Friday, March 26, 2010

Everybody's Doing It

No, I'm not talking about the varsity drag, I'm talking about aging. Is it really so difficult to accept that, unless life has a surprise in store for us, we will all one day be a senior citizen, an elderly person, an old man, an old woman? Apparently for some it is, which brings to mind Dame Judith Dench, who, after winning the Oscar, was asked by a reporter how she felt about getting older.

Of course, what he really meant by the question was 'what does it feel like to be old?' and she knew it. Her snappish two-word reply to him was "it's horrible". Now, I just happen to think that she has little to gripe about. I mean who had ever heard of her until she had become a senior, gotten a plum movie role, earned an Oscar, and got knighted. Nobody that's who, at least nobody on this side of the Atlantic Ocean. After all, instead of being a rich, famous, senior she could have wound up being old, alone, and poor. However, enough about Dame Dench, as she, and the title of this piece, are really diversions. A way to lightly approach the serious subject of the somewhat recent phenomenon of aging baby boomers caring for aged parents.

Since Ponce De Leon never did discover the 'fountain of youth' and since the youngest of the Baby Boom generation are now in their 40's, the boomers parents have become a looking glass into the boomers own future. And if you happen to be in your twenties or thirties, trust that how these boomers deal with it, becomes a looking glass into your own future. So how are they dealing with it? Well, a good percentage of them did not buy into 'out of sight, out of mind', and have therefore made the choice not to ship their parents off to some senior citizen compound, and are themselves taking care of them. While you may not think this has much to do with you, it actually does because what they are doing is setting the stage for the future of long term home care. Is doing so taking a toll on them? Absolutely it is, but when asked if they would do it again, the majority of them reply that they would. So is it possible, do you suppose, that the Man from Galilee knew what he was talking about when he said 'it is better to give than to receive'?.

Let's take a look at that in a different way, so bear with me while I tell you two news stories that have remained with me since the day I first heard them. For the first story, we go back to 1982 when Flight 90 crashed into the ice crusted Potomac River. The world watched helplessly as of the 74 passengers, 6 survivors struggled to stay alive in the freezing water. Of those six, 'passenger six' as he was referred to, caught and passed on the lifelines he could have used to save himself. Although his was not the only act of heroism that night, his sacrifice is perhaps the most haunting because of the 74 original passengers; he was the only one to die from drowning. And yes, the other five survived.

Next is the news story of two men: The first had slipped off a high bridge and just as he lost his hold on the rail that was keeping him from falling, a second man appeared and grabbed hold of his hand. This second man was then himself in danger of falling but he kept holding on, and holding on, until rescue finally arrived. When a reporter asked this second man why he had put himself in such danger for a complete stranger, he answered, "I felt that if I had let him fall and die, that some important part of me would have died along with him."

Although these two news stories are a lot more dramatic than children who take up the role of being their parents caretakers, they nevertheless contain in them the same element of the selfless sacrifice of oneself. Considering that for generations advertisers have been feeding Americans a daily diet of self gratification with messages of 'get' 'spend' 'have' 'own' 'get more', the decision of Baby Boomers to do this is rather remarkable. As they have en masse done once before they have again rejected the messages in a search for a more meaningful inner message. And in doing so they exchanged 'get' for 'give' and in doing that they have tapped into some heroic facet of themselves.

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